ellie voyyd's Neocities
Bullshit / Hate You
I like to bullshit with people.
when i worked at a car wash, there was this guy, Andy, who would always bullshit with me. "it helps pass the time" he said.
My weird, aspergers self thought "ah, this is a method of socializing, i should learn to do that" so i did.
bullshitting with someone is, making remarks that are snippy or pointless - even absurd - but aren't "jokes" necessarily.
Bullshit isn't funny, it doesn't make you laugh. It just kind of takes up space - it wastes time.
but that is a kind of universal thing we need to do - to waste time.
sometimes, being present and aware and critical and thinking and all that is just too much. so, we can waste time and relax.
One of my favorite forms of bullshit is rattling off a bunch of facts that don't make any sense, or just making up tall tales.
When i worked at a thrift store, one of my coworkers introduced me to this type of bullshitting.
Whenever a customer would ask him a question, he would ramble on and on for minutes, not really saying anything helpful.
eventually the customer would just walk away in the middle of him talking, not even respond.
they'd get out of his hair. he'd also just do this a lot while we were working - just say a bunch of pointless nonsense.
i kind of like that idea - the idea of talking without saying anything.
it is a kind of weird cushion against the silence that feels too intimate for comfort,
and its true, sometimes that intimate silence just really is too much, its inappropriate, so we can "shoot the shit" instead
another form of bullshit i found out about is insulting someone.
there is a weird comradery you can have with a coworker or someone, when you both can insult eachother.
one of the stupid examples is "yo momma" jokes, which are at their best completely absurd and nonsensical.
the absurdity of the insult makes it clear that there isn't any real hate behind it, and its just another way to waste time.
i think, well, i guess a lot of people lose the ability to waste time. they think every second has to be meaningful.
I mean, it makes sense because we live in a society, and capitalism, and whatever. social media and culture plays a big role in that.
but its important to be able to not feel that constant pressure for everything to be meaningful.
its important to be able to let loose and waste your time. if anything, it is really radical
because when you choose to waste time with nonsense, at least its you that is choosing, not your boss
maybe at this point in society, really, this kind of bullshitting is a form of freedom or rebellion.
i know that the people i've met who are the best at bullshitting, and who do it most, are folks that work a lot of hours,
folks that tend to be poorer, less "educated", often older folks do it a lot.
my parents do it a lot, especially my mom, which is funny. i never recognized it until i got old enough and became a bullshitter too.
my mom is a bullshitter but to a really advanced level, to where its pretty hard to tell that she is bullshitting.
that is kind of, the ultimate highest level of bullshitting.
anyway, i was bullshitting with a friend once and we were just saying stupid insulting pointless bullshit,
and what came out of my mouth was a really hilarious one that we still repeat often:
"You know... I see myself in you. And I hate myself... so... i hate you"
i didn't really even think before saying it, because we were just in the flow of shooting the shit, but
This one was a bit too on the nose, it wasn't quite bullshit because it had a bit of truth to it.
that did make it extremely funny, so it is kind of an in-joke now.
but hey, there is that bit of truth to it.
when you have something critical to say about someone else, it is also an opportunity to criticize yourself.
because we always project onto other people our own feelings, motivations, thoughts, worldview, et cetera.
thats the only way we can understand other people, by trying to project ourself onto them.
because of this, seeing what bothers you about others can often tell you about what you probably dont like about yourself.
it might not be that they even do something you do, it might be that they act the opposite,
but it makes you aware of something you don't like in yourself.
so, well, that is something ive run into over and over again in life.
really, too many times to count.
i see some part of myself in someone else, and it makes me hate them, or annoyed by them, et cetera.
or, in another way, i see something in someone else that i wish i was like, and it makes me hate them, et cetera.
really, too many times to count in life, ive run into that weird hall of mirrors that is social interaction or whatever.
someone i know will hate another person i know, but to me they are very similar.
or, whatever. stuff like that.
you should reflect any time that someone bothers you. it might not become clear immediately, but everyone is a key
to unlock a part of yourself
cause you can not observe yourself directly, honestly. you have to see it in someone else to recognize it.
but yeah, like i said
everyone else is a key that unlocks part of you to yourself.